How long has it been since you went out to a fine dining establishment?
Have you noticed you forget social basics if in a group?
As the pandemic inches toward its second official year, some folks may barely recall social norms that once seemed second nature.
Thus, The Squamish Chief caught up with Louise Fox an etiquette expert, to walk us through some things we may have forgotten or perhaps never knew.
What follows is an edited version of that conversation.
Q: What are some everyday etiquette tips we may be forgetting at this stage of being separated?
A: The basis of good etiquette is really kindness and consideration for others and that's always a good place to start. Because watching the news, and just trying to work our way through all the restrictions... — you can't do this and you can't do that — it's really challenging for everyone. I haven't met a person who doesn't feel some sort of distress over the whole situation. And when you're stressed, it's easy to lose sight of the big picture.
So, try not to take things personally and try to be a little kinder, gentler version of your normal self and be a little more forgiving. I think that's a good place to start.
Q: What are some tips for parents so that children learn essential dinner table manners that we might be losing because we are eating take-out all the time or casually at home?
A: Some of the basic things are to try to have a family meal together; you might not do it every day, but to try and sit around the table and try to have some conversation. Many people have an island in the kitchen now, which is not necessarily a good thing because you don't have to see the person next to you and what they are doing. Sometimes using a mirror helps because you can see how you are eating and what that looks like.
The important thing is to make it fun. Set the table nice and say, "We are having a special dinner tonight, and we're pretending we're at Grandma's house and let's just see if we can remember how to eat properly."
You pick your fork up, and you pick your spoon up, and you spoon your soup away from you. You blot your lips with your napkin and put the napkin on your lap; you don't make noises when you eat, and those kinds of simple things — just have fun with it.
Don't wait until the day that you go out to eat — whenever that might be — and then correct your children at the time. That's not the way to do it. The way to do it is just to practice at home and try and set a good example if you can.
(Here's a video with more tips.)
Q: Some of us haven't had to make small talk with strangers in a social setting in a long time. What are some simple tips for that?
A: "Prior Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance."
You should write out a few things that you can talk about beforehand. Let's not talk about how many COVID cases there are, OK? We've all heard that a zillion times.
You want to show interest in the other person, not just talk about yourself. Compliment someone's scarf, for example. Showing interest in the other person is the key to getting a conversation started.
Q: This isn't really pandemic related, but some of us were taught to pull out a chair for a woman or hold a door open. In 2022, are those actions still a thing?
A: If somebody needs help, help them. If somebody is having trouble taking off their coat, you're not making a sexist statement just by giving them a hand. If somebody drops something, pick it up. It's just kindness. Open the door if someone has their arms full.
Q: For some, they are eventually going to be going back to an office for the first time in a long time; any tips for readjusting?
A: There's going to be an awkward stage. We're not giving handshakes right now, for example. We may never be giving them again. I'm not sure, but it is important that we remember people need to make eye contact with each other; you can just give a nod and acknowledge people. And the smile is always important. Try and work it out from there. It's going to be different in many ways.
Q: People working from home naturally get out of practice with dressing for business, doing our hair, etc. Should we still be doing it sometimes, even at home?
A: Well, I think you should try and keep up with a little bit of that at home because otherwise, it's really easy to get out of that habit and then start questioning why you ever did it in the first place. I think people may have to try and get into that sense of professionalism if they're going to be going back to the office.
Q: Some of us were never taught fine dining rules, and others may have forgotten with such a lull in events and outings. Can you refresh our memories on fine dining etiquette?
A: The host is the person who is guiding it — so the person who has invited you to be there. Follow their lead. You will never start in before all the guests are there. Don't start eating the bread and everything. The host starts the meal by taking the napkin and putting it on their lap and then you follow suit. If you are waiting for the host to come, don't start ordering stuff. You know, wait for everybody to be there. You put your napkin on your lap. You use your cutlery working from the outside in, toward the plate. Cut your food into small pieces and eat them one at a time off the end of your fork. Don't lick your knife. You might ask your host what they would suggest. That gives you an idea of what the price point should be for you if they are treating you. You never order the most expensive thing or the cheapest thing, somewhere in the middle. Blot your lips with a napkin as you eat. If you leave the table, push your chair in.
Keep elbows off the table. Rest your wrists to the side if you are resting during a meal.
When you're resting, you put your cutlery in a V shape across your plate. When you're finished, it's diagonal: 10 o'clock to five o'clock., and means: "I'm finished." The resting position is like an upside-down V.
When you're finished, you put your napkin to the side of the plate.
Q: Pandemic or not, all of that can be intimidating if you haven't been raised ever learning those rules?
A: In many situations, it doesn't really matter that much, but in some formal situations and in business situations, it can make the difference between getting the job and not getting the job. Often lunches are included in an interview process. That's not because they want to treat you or think you are hungry. They are taking you to assess your social skills. You may be applying for a job where good social skills are important. So they want to check you out first. So in those cases, you know, look it up, or contact me, I'll send you some free stuff. It is just simple, simple things.
Q: Final question, what's one simple thing that everyone could do that would really make your day?
A: I'm big on people greeting each other. I don't like to be ignored. Not me personally, but I don't like to see that. So, I like to see a happy face. And I would like people to acknowledge others. I think it's an easy kindness and makes people feel good.
