Long-time Squamish resident Trevor Blackman-Wulff, 39, is a dog person and a hugger. He bounds into a local café wearing a black leather jacket, pink shirt and his his curly hair tucked under his tweed cap. His long nails are painted a shiny silver. He stands out in a coffee shop and town full of Gore-Tex, toques and hiking boots. But he is as friendly as Squamish’s reputation and greets everyone with a warm smile and has a hug for those he knows.
On this Thursday afternoon he is breathless, having rushed to the interview a few minutes late after caring for his pooch, which had a temporary health crisis.
As most in Squamish are aware, Blackman-Wulff is one of the founders of Safe 'n Sound Squamish, the local advocacy and education group for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer + citizens, their families and allies.
He is also the spouse of Squamish municipal councillor Jason Blackman-Wulff.
The Chief sat down with Trevor for a wide-ranging chat about growing up in Squamish, bullies and the evolution of Safe 'n Sound.
What follows is an edited version of that conversation.
Q: A lot of people know you as an outspoken advocate with Safe 'n Sound, but I am curious when it was you decided you were going to speak up about LGBTQ+ issues?
A: My mom was my number one supporter and when I lost her that was huge.
After that, it is when I became more outspoken.
It is too quiet in this town, we are here, and we should be recognized, and we should be respected.
So, it was just time for me personally to live truly and loudly — when I say loudly; it doesn't need to be in your face. Loudly for me is doing my nails, wearing what I want to wear and not caring about the comments that to this day I get and the looks that I get.
The youth deserve to know that they are not alone.
Also, the "It gets better movement" a few years ago really made me think: when I was young, I never thought it was going to get better and I don't think the youth of today should think that.
Truly, I don't think there is a better time to be who we all are, than today.
We have come so far — but we do have a long way still to go.
Q: You get a lot of people reaching out to you, telling you their stories. How does that feel to the guy inside you who was bullied as a kid? Is it overwhelming?
A: Not overwhelming at all, except in my heart. I can really relate. There have been some very emotional moments. When you receive a direct outpouring of love from someone standing in front of you, it is very moving.
More and more I see one or two parents coming to [conferences] with a youth instead of youth coming alone, which is what it used to be. That has been really beautiful to see.
Q: There has been so much research and work since we were kids on what bullying does to a person — we know it sticks with people. So, even though you are now this confident guy who can do all these public things, is there any part of you that still isn't healed from the bullying you endured?
A: I went through a lot of bullying growing up here in school. I was labelled a super derogatory name in Grade 6 and it stuck with me until I finished school. It has been interesting with me working here in [a café]. At work I have seen 80 per cent of those people who bullied me and when I am working, I am very much in my element. When I have to serve one of those people, I actually turn my volume up a bit, to be honest with you.
I have taken the abuse and bullying and turned it into a strength, which is one of my messages to youth. It is super hard and crappy — we aren't going to pretend it isn't — but you can turn that into strength.
It doesn't have to define you. You are not the words that other people say that you are.
A beautiful piece to this is that I have had two people reach out to me who used to bully me and they owned it and really apologized.
It is amazing that there are [supportive] groups in local schools now. I do wish across the board in schools that bullying wasn't tolerated, because I know it is still tolerated in far too many schools that say it is not. We need to take our youth seriously about bullying. It is what they have to deal with five days a week, eight hours a day. They spend more time at school than they do at home.
Q: I would be remiss if I didn't ask, how it has been to be the partner of a sitting municipal councillor?
A: It has been an interesting few years for me and needless to say for my husband. I really had to sort of step back from social media. I am just like my mom, I am a momma bear — this is just across the board for me with people who I care about, I don't like to see anyone hurt or trashed. A specific example was when within the first year on council that column came out [in The Chief] about Jason's attendance at council meetings. I had just lost my mother. Jason was an amazing support for me, and he was so close to my mother so that it wasn't just about it being my mom. He had missed 27 meetings or something and well, first of all, there are three meetings a day, so it is not like he took 27 days off. Second of all, he lost my mother. Maybe it should have included all those facts instead of one shade of grey. I saw comments under the article from people I grew up with trashing my husband. They were all being bullies.
Q: You were saying that we have come a long way as a culture, but there are still challenges for LGBTQ+, what are some of the challenges?
A: We need to really focus on education, and with Safe 'n Sound, that is what we are focusing on.
I mean, the backlash we got about doing the rainbow crosswalk in Squamish — there were so many comments on Facebook that were saying things about how old-time loggers who would have come out of the pub would be rolling in their graves to see it.
I mean, do you think some of those loggers didn't ever get warm together at night, honestly? We aren't new, we have been around, and we are in history, for goodness sake.
People, I think, are scared of what they don't know and I think some people have this thought in their minds that if they give us rights or recognize us in some way we are going to spread our "agenda," as ridiculous as that sounds.
With the crosswalk, why the heck wouldn't [Squamish] recognize and show support? I want the youth to know you can be whoever you want to be and walk down Cleveland.
Q: Having raised four boys, I have been shocked how much cultural pressure there is to still become a "macho" man. Doesn't that play into a lot of what we are talking about — cultural ideals of what makes a man?
A: Yes, we are pushing them to be "men," but we are not always teaching them to be respectful human beings. From what I am seeing, people encouraging boys to be a "men" encourages them to forget about being a respectful human being. Shouldn't we be raising ourselves, our children, our friends, to be respectful human beings with compassion? That would make the world a better place. That would get our youth so much further in life than the flip side of it.
It doesn't matter how manly you are.
Q: Safe ‘n Sound launched in 2014, how are you feeling about where the group is at?
A: I think it has been a very beautiful growth. Our conferences were really successful. We are still doing the Queer Competency Training workshops; those have been going really well. We are booked for several upcoming events. It is great to see the growth of that. The things that we are working on are really exciting, and I think tie into things I have always wanted to do for the community.
Q: For example?
A: I don't want to totally spill the beans, but we want to do a pride event this year, we are teaming up with a local business. We want to do a monthly social. More to come…
For more on Safe 'n Sound, go to www.safensoundsquamish.com.
