If there is one valuable life lesson that I have learned the hard way, and continue to learn every day, it's to be careful about the assumptions I make. Assumptions about myself, about others, about the world in general and specifically the external events and circumstances that occur in my life, whether created by me or unplanned.
Our thoughts and behaviour are driven by assumptions. Everything we do comes from the assumption we make just before we do it. These assumptions shape our work and our relationships with others. Some are positive and enabling; some are negative and limit us; some are simply neutral.
An assumption that is untrue, or not entirely true, can block our thinking and keep us stuck. It can prevent us from feeling inspired and encouraged; from considering possibilities and making different choices. Often, we are not even aware we are making these assumptions. Even if we are conscious of an assumption, because it makes sense to us, it can seem to be true or factual, and so we seldom question or challenge it. We simply "live with it."
When we hold false assumptions about others, we can build communication barriers that tend to negatively affect our motivation for, and ways of, interacting with them. Challenging the assumptions we make and suspending any negative thoughts, or replacing them with more constructive ones, can make us feel more resourceful and enable us to generate more goodwill towards, and from, others.
Over the years I can recall too many times when I have wasted energy and time (and subsequently felt stressed out) mind reading, visualizing or second guessing how a situation might unfold. Worse still, I have assumed that I know what someone else is feeling, thinking, going to do, etc., and usually the reality is so much more positive than that I had imagined and therefore expected. Consequently, I have missed opportunities and avoided new challenges. I have limited myself and created unnecessary stress, all because of a negative thought - one that was created, and only existed, in my head.
Are you getting in your own way? Ask yourself:
What might you be assuming that is limiting you in your life?
What limiting thought is most stopping you from taking a challenging step in your work, or life?
Hazel Morley is principal of Think Smart: Training and Coaching with Change in Mind. She can be contacted at [email protected].
